A Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Craig

Remember the days when drinking meant downing a chocolate milkshake bottle that mom bought for you, spilling it all over yourself and feeling sick afterwards? Well, the same thing probably still happens to you. In fact, it also happens to me here at university, except in a much different context with somewhat similar, yet hugely different results. You see, young Craig, drinking here is not merely a way to quench one's craving for a certain beverage that you simply enjoy the taste of. Nor is it a way to get a big fancy drink that looks cool and costs an unthinkable amount of money. Well, to some extent it is this way, except here at Rhodes it is a little bit, well a lot different. The way we drink here is vastly different to how you do when you get a sweet tooth or thirsty. I know you're not going to understand what I'm about to tell you, and the advice that I give me, but bear with me, because one day it will make perfect sense to you. I'm going to put it in the simplest way I can, so here it goes: On some nights usually Wednesdays, Fridays or Saturdays), students decide that they don't want to sit in their rooms and work but they would rather do something else. They usually go out to a club or pub, which are places where people dance and 'drink'. The stuff they drink, however is not what you'd expect, it is a foul tasting liquid called alcohol. It comes in different types, shapes, sizes and strengths. The reason I say strenghts is because this stuff does something to these students that you wouldn't be able to comprehend right now. It makes them act very different, like crazy people, doing stuff they never would do without this stuff. After acting like a fool for a couple of hours, they either pass out or vomit all over the place. So my advice to you is stay away from this dreadful stuff, or at least drink it in moderation, because you don't want to be the guy who takes off all his clothes and pole dances on a table to a Christina Aguileira song while screaming about how you want some 'booty' at the top of your lungs. But I'll talk to you about that at a later stage.

Yours Intoxicatedly
Craig Albers further down the line